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Submitted on
July 22, 2013


3 (who?)
So quit a few of you guys were asking me about that fanfic I mentioned in one of my previous journals.  So I decided that I'd post it for you guys.
Its really not all that great, I really just was writing a few ideas down so that I wouldn't forget, because it kept bothering me :/ And its not all that long either~

Okay, so if you want to read it now . . . HERE YOU GO!

Short film fan-fic for Teen Titans

Just a few ideas

After the Teen Titans got finished defeating the brotherhood of evil with all their new Teen Titans. Raven couldn't get to sleep because she had a bad headache, and couldn't stop thinking about Kyd Wykkyd kicking her into Psimon's portal.
The next morning she went out of her room, she had gotten no sleep at all. She was very mean to everyone, and kept yelling...And after the day was over, she went back to bed, and yet could not sleep at all. She kept thinking about how Kyd took her and kicked her in Psimon's portal, and began to sweat.
She couldn't stop thinking of him, not for 1 second. She finally got out of bed and went to the runes of the brotherhood of evil's base, where every villan that pertisipated in fighting the teen titans were frozen. She went to what was left of the H.I.V.E 5 and sat there.
And after thinking about what he did to her, or what he'd do if she let him go. She used her powers to seperate Kyd Wykkyd from all the other frozen members of the H.I.V.E 5, and unfroze him. Before he and the rest of the H.I.V.E 5  were flash frozen, they were knocked out by one of Jinx hexes,and then throne ontop of each other by Kid Flash then frozen. So when Raven unfroze Kyd Wykkyd, he was still unconscious.
She took him back to Jump City, and set him down. She waited until he woke up.
Kyd Wykkyd woke after Raven had taken him to the city by the Teen Titans tower, and had seen Raven. He quickly got away using his Teleportation, and Raven started walking back to the tower.
Kyd Wykkyd was following her back, but Raven didn't know. But right before Raven left the end of the city where the water was, Kyd Wykkyd dicided to reveal that he was following her. And he came up to her, and Raven backed away quickly and had her powers ready to strike him. Kyd Wykkyd backed away and Raven unactivated her powers, and Kyd Wykkyd came closer to her and put his hand on her sholder, and smiled.  Raven was confused, and then Kyd Wykkyd took his hand off of her and put both of his hands on the wall, his hands were now on each side of her. And he leaned forward, and kissed Raven on the lips, then he got away and disapeared.
The next day, she went back to the place where he had kissed her, and she turned around and he was there, Raven was frightend. He reached his hand out and put it on her face, and Raven woke up sweating, and she started screaming.
Robin and Beast boy came running in her room, and asked if she was okay. And she told them everything was fine, and it was just a dream.
The next morning, she actually went to the Brotherhood of evil's base, and sat down infront of them all frozen.


If my grammar bothered you, I'm sorry . . . I really love to write and it makes me feel a lot better when I'm feeling down or just down right depressed. But if you have ever gotten a reply or comment from me, you'd know that my grammar is so horrible :/
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4ScarfAce4 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Right. Now, I'd call this more of a frame or a synopsis than a complete fanfic. All you're really doing is baldly stating what happens. However, what happens is good.

Tell us more. What was Raven thinking? What were her exact words? Description, description. We'd love to read your story in more detail.

Keep practising, keep reading. You've got the beginnings of something good here.
aziria Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I will go over it sometime! ^-^ and I'll add just that, I know its blank, but it wasn't finished anyway. I'm even going to add more
4ScarfAce4 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Good on ya, mate!
aziria Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
EdenAlicePoe Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013
(firstly, apologizes for the late reply to this. Stupid comp couldn't connect or load the pages right for a few days, but it's better now :squee:)

As a writer myself, I know how important positive feedback & constructive criticism is ;) So here goes!!:

-This really reads much better as a straight script. Just the action/dialogue being described. Not going into too much detail, unless you wanted to make animation notes. In this sense, it's not a fanfic, but more of your own way of directing the actions you want the characters to take. There's no deeper thought to what these characters are thinking or feeling. You had an interesting premise here, with Rae unfreezing Kyd, & you scratched the surface as to why she was doing so (b/c she couldn't stop thinking about him... I guess?) but you didn't go in depth on the issue. Which can confuse a reader.
However, I definitely liked how you added exactly what type of action you're going for, what movements will be expected in the animation when you've completed it, etc. It gives a clear picture, which is necessary in storytelling (& storyboarding, lol) 

-While the grammar/spelling was a bit of an issue at times, that's nothing a good beta/pre-reader can't fix ;) Sometimes it's better to have someone read things over to help you fix those minuscule mistakes. And sometimes even offer their advice on what you could change/expand on. I think you handled yourself very well for not having a beta, though. :)

Again, you've got the action down & a good starting skeleton, but if you want to delve deeper, you're probably going to want to start getting inside these character's heads. Overall, a pretty good start! :D
aziria Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
As I said at the beginning of my journal, I said it was just a few ideas. I don't know how to write perfectly good scripts, but I try my best.

Hopefully if I write more, my reading, spelling, punctuation, and just plain grammar, will get better. Look at my English, I have not been instructed properly, but still glad people can understand what I am saying . . .I have to get my friend *iKodi to help me use proper grammar on my comics.

But I do need help, and I guess I could go over the story a little bit and put in what they are thinking and such. But after all, it was just a dream she had, and it was well unexplained to herself even.

But I will improve as I get older in being a story writer. But again, this was just a few ideas a wrote down, and some people were wanting to read them.

Anyway, thank you so much for the advice, I'll try to read over this sometime when I am writing something :o
EdenAlicePoe Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013
Writing down your basic ideas is always a good start, and I'm sure as your grasp of english improves, you'll become an even better writer. It just take practice ;)
Glad to be of help & I look forward to watching you improve :thumbsup:
aziria Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you so much for your help.
I'm thinking about rewriting the "fanfic" [I really have no other idea what to call it] and I might change it a lot and add more to it. I'm glad everyone liked the idea and the structure of it, but they wanted to read it in more detail :o So I better fix that!
EdenAlicePoe Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013
No prob. And I'd definitely encourage adding in that detail! :D Definitely would be cool to see what you'll come up with! Just be sure that it's something that works well for you and for how you want the story to go! :)
aziria Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I actually rewrote it, its a longer too :)

Here it is, maybe you can give me some tips to help me fix it before I post it ;)

After we got back to the Tower after fighting the brotherhood of evil, I couldn't get to sleep that knight. I had a bad headace because I couldn't stop thinking of one thing in specific. I can honestly still feel the touch of his hands on my shoulders, I can still remember the chill that went down my spine when he first touched me. Why do I keep thinking of this one moment over and over again? My mind has not left the thought of being stuck in that strange dimension, and all because of whom? My anger for this keeps leeding me to that one thing . . .Why can't I stop thinking about this so called "Kyd Wykkyd" kicking me into that portal?
I keep asking myself these questions over and over again, and now I have a headache. I can't sleep.
I tried to tire myself by reading one of my books, so I stayed up reading my books all night. And in the morning I stayed in my bed endlessly thinking about the subject, but why? Did the stupid kid have a power that would let him be stuck in my mind and bother me . . .? FOR WHAT REASON DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM!?
The sun came up, and beast boy suggested waffles, and everyone was having a good time talking and eating waffles, but I didn't feel hungry, so I didn't leave me room. Robin latter came and knocked on my door "Are you-"                   And I interrupted knowing what he was going to say next "Yes, I'm fine!" And then a shut the door and went back to my bed, I believe Robin went back to the living room.
I spent the rest of my day in my bed, while getting many visits from my friends, I slowly became angered. I kept telling them that I was fine and just had a headache, Starfire kept coming in with random concoctions that her planet used to get rid of this "ace of the head."
The day passed by, it felt like it would last forever. I still couldn't stop thinking about being kicked into a portal and defeated by some strange,dark, bat like teenager.
They all got frozen. I thought to myself. He is also there frozen with all the others, I wonder how it felt to be frozen. I wonder if they all felt the cold dark chills  run down their back's once the machine got activated, before any coldness came, what was going through their minds at the time? I wonder if they still . . .Feel . . .
I still couldn't sleep, I have gotten so sick of these thoughts. I put on my hoodie and I snuck out of the tower, I wondered what would still be there when I got back to the brotherhood of evil's base. To see them all frozen . . .I had also just got back home from all of this the day before yesterday, why would I want to go back?
I don't know exactly how long it took me to get to the base, but I got there. It was so, silent. No sound was to be heard, it was so quite, you could hear a pen drop on the floor. I shivered, it was so cold. I was watching, waiting for something to happen.
I looked at each Villain, I had pleasure seeing most of them frozen, I can remember the ones that gave us lots and lots of trouble many times. And I found the H.I.V.E 5 members, frozen soled. All they did was steal stuff, mindless crooks. I remember listening to their little conversations about how they "nearly got nabbed" by each one of us titans. It all came down to me, I spoke, and they were shocked until they found out it was me, Raven.  At least that lets me know one thing about the kid, he doesn't speak.
I guess I wasn't thinking straight, my brain hurt, and I thought to myself that it was really stupid coming down here again, and for no reason at that.
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" I used my powers without thought and separated Kyd Wykkyd from the rest of his little gang of crooks. I unfroze him,  he was so cold, and so pale. Unconscious he was.
I picked up his cold and what had seemed a lifeless body and took him to jump city, I didn't want to let the others know that I had set him free, so I didn't take him to the Tower.
I kind of lay him down and was holding his head up in my arms, I waited for him to wake.
It was almost morning, and he finally opened his eyes. He saw me and freaked out, he teleported away from me, and I didn't see him anymore. I got back on my feet, dusted off and said to myself "Well that was stupid, now we'll have to deal with him later."
I was walking through jump city back towards the tower, and I was fixing to lift my feet off the ground and fly back. Kyd Wykkyd decided to run in front of me, I had no idea what he was thinking, but he came closer to me and I had my powers ready to just tear him to pieces. He backed away and nodded his head as if I miss understood, so I lowered my powers, and then he came close again. He ran up to me, and put both of his hands on the wall, his hands were on each side of me to where I could not get free, and he gently kissed me on the lips. He quickly teleportated away, and I was left confused, and kind of angry, yet liked it all at once. I felt so strange, so confused, I didn't understand what had happened or what I had felt at that moment, I felt a weird feeling in my stomach . . .
"He was stalking me, then he kissed me that 'lil creep!" I thought to myself. So I went back to the tower, and I finally got some sleep. But the next day, I went back to where he had kissed me, I turned around and he was standing right behind me, watching. And he came closer and was going to put his hand on me. I woke up after that, I was sweating and I may have screamed a little. Robin and beast boy ran in my room "Raven? Is everything alright!? Are you okay!?"  "Yes, I'm fine, it was just a dream." I replied.
But a few weeks later, I found myself at the brotherhood of evil's base.
Watching, and waiting for a sound.
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